POLITICALLY INCORRECT but OH SO FUNNY!!

Nativity scene in the nation's capital this season. The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States Capital this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol. A search for a Virgin continues. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Email makes me laugh

It's okay for me to tell blond jokes because I am a natural blond and you know the old saying, it's the brunettes (bottle blonds) that give blonds a bad name (just kidding everyone). So when this email made me laugh I thought I'd share.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-female biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he asks the waitress; 'Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says; 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy,

I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blond woman with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blond woman with a Taser.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters; 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

♥

Practical Jokes, America's Funniest Home Videos and I need your help for a Payback's a Bitch

So I was having a wonderful chat with my friend Barbara tonight, something we haven't done in many, many months. We enjoyed it a lot and then my phone battery died after 3 hours and we resorted to IMs again. During our call I was in my studio which left hubby to his own devices which tonight resulted in a lot of channel surfing. He ended up watching America's Funniest Home Videos where he learned a new trick. LOL his new trick leads up to the Payback is a Bitch and how I need your help.

While I was having a grand old time chatting and catching up, hubby was taping down the lever on the kitchen sink sprayer. He knew I'd need some water after talking for so long so he left the Brita empty so I'd have to fill it. I turned on the cold water and was immediately drenched by cold water. He also conveniently disappeared!

So here's my question: how would you arrange payback for your hubby? It needs to be funny, when he least expects it and really, really good!

♥

Hump Day Humor ~ Morticians and this one is blonde too!

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and she says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the nex t day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

♥

Hump Day Humor ~ Cowboys ~ The Cowboy Boots

The Cowboy Boots 

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this) 

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put
on his cowboy boots?  He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and
him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.  By the time they got the second
boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."  She looked,
and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them
on. She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time
on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?",
like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little
feet.  No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, "They're my brother's boots.
My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had
left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. 

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"  He said, "I stuffed 'em in the
toes of my boots."

She will be eligible for parole in three years.

Hump Day Humor - Marriage

Hosted by Meredith at Mercedes Rocks

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during t he entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, 'While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.'