THE ELEPHANT IS ALWAYS IN THE ROOM

973 days ago they told me they got it all.  Well to be honest I was out of it for the first 3 days after surgery so I didn't hear them until 970 days ago.  But, my family knew and was relieved.  Me though am always waiting for the other shoe to fall and the elephant is ALWAYS in the room.  They learn new nuances every day, but no one knows for sure why one person gets cancer and another doesn't when there is no direct link.
Every bite of food I take, every prescription, every breath of air, every time I'm around fertilizer, clean the bathroom or use kitchen spray cleaner remind me that I don't know how I got this horrible cancer and that there is is still the risk of repeating iteself.  

After surgery I was poked, prodded and put through every possible test to double check their findings because they couldn't believe they got it all.  The tumor was large (volleyball size) but contained - unheard of for this type of cancer so I got a new label - rare and uncommon gynecological tumor which spark a new round of tests.  

I dread the waiting between check-ups every few months.  I'm always afraid that I might not get a clean bill of health with every blood test and check up.  In 854 days I can claim remission, but even then there are no guarantees.  While I know I am one really lucky girl, I am always vigilant.  

3 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I'm so thankful you are doing so well. Yes it does pay to be viligent and aware and to be thankful too!

Forgetfulone said...

My mom lives with the "elephant," too. Breast and lung cancers. You are both survivors! And I'm so glad. Wish I could have lunch with you!

~3 Sides of Crazy~ said...

MA I am thankful every day and feel very blessed.

Thanks D - me too - I miss our lunches. Is your mom doing okay?